Leap of Faith
by lexie2
Summary: One-shot written for NS Nov 09 Challenge #6-A Pregnant Pause. Set in the first quarter of Season 5; it tries to answer Lex s question in Mortal:Why have you been avoiding me, Chloe?


**TITLE:** "Leap of Faith"

**CHALLENGE:** November ´09- NS Challenge #6- "A Pregnant Pause"

**RATING:** PG

**A/N**: This story is set in the first quarter of Season 5 but it also makes reference to events that occurred in Season 3 and the second half of Season 4. The three-month gap between seasons 4 and 5 has been omitted for my own creative needs.

The moment I learn through Clark she´s been hospitalised and that her life is hanging by a thread, I´m assaulted by a sudden bout of pain and regret- feelings which I´ve tried to crush ever since her return to Smallville after the trial. I´ve done my best to forget her because thinking of her and entertaining dreams of a happy life with someone like her not only make me weak but annihilate my most treasured shield against the curveballs of this world- the self-delusion of having control , of believing myself invulnerable. That very same armour which she can dent so easily by the mere fact of being made me lash out at her in the caves not so long ago. Does she know jealousy is consuming me? Does she realise that our silent pact to stay away from each other has never been what I wanted? _Why have you been avoiding me, Chloe?_ I could replay the whole conversation by heart, imagine the grimace on my father´s face if he heard his son demean himself by begging for an explanation, then see the proud smile on my old man´s face. _I heard being a third wheel is very time consuming._

I wish I could withdraw those words, say what I wanted to say. Regret... longing... aren´t emotions that I- the man who´s plotting to win over the girl of Clark´s dreams- should allow himself to have; and still I experience them whenever the thought of the blonde spitfire crosses my mind. Why is she haunting my sleep of late? Is it, perhaps, the knowledge that by pursuing Lana I´m forfeiting every chance I might ever have to attain happiness? Such questions accompany me to the room at Smallville Medical Center where Chloe is lying unconscious like Sleeping Beauty awaiting her Prince´s kiss of life.

I close the door behind me and approach the orthopaedic bed. I couldn´t be further removed from a fairytale prince and Chloe has never been the proverbial damsel in distress, still I wonder if my mere presence will bring her out of her slumber the way it did back in Yukon. She looks unnaturally pale- all those transfusions have taken their toll. I´m not ready to lose yet another woman I love. I take a deep breath and remove from my pocket the syringe with the antidote my team has produced as part of Project 1138 and, gingerly, as if I were trespassing on sacred ground, I part her hospital gown with fingers which are uncharacteristically shaky. I should be in another hospital room, impaling a brunette´s heart with this needle-like stake like a modern day Van Helsing. Why? Why did my heart bring me here first? This wasn´t part of my carefully laid plans. I find my answer the second the swell of her creamy breasts comes to view. And the response leaves me breathless.

* * *

It´s been two weeks since I was bitten by Vampire Lana and awoke in a hospital bed with Clark´s name on my lips to find myself being virtually cradled by the man who´s been haunting both my sleeping and my waking hours.I wonder if he knows, if his agile mind has already worked it out. It´s taken me over two months to come to terms with the fact that it isn´t just stress what´s interfering with my menstrual cycle. It´s taken me over two months and being touched by the same hands which worshipped me one night not so very long ago to accept that it wasn´t just a dream. I wonder if knowing would make any difference to him now that he´s set his eyes on Lana.

* * *

The ding announces an incoming e-mail while I´m on the phone giving my stockbroker some last minute instructions. I see the sender´s name and can hear my heart galloping like a young colt. The arrow hovers for a few seconds over the message which I´ve been expecting since last morning. I click on the attachment and as the images load on my laptop my heart skips a beat. Twelve weeks. It all adds up.

The basement of The Planet is deserted when I cross the door of her crammed little office- the one Mrs Kahn allotted her after reading her sorority piece. She´s got her back to the entrance and seems to be too engrossed in what her eyes are perusing to notice she´s no longer alone. I see her wipe her eyes with the back of her hand and then lay it on her womb protectively. She´s looking at the baby´s first NT scan. I wonder if she feels the way I did when I stared in rapture at the miracle of life we created together. Childhood dreams. A lifetime of yearning denied by the cruel hand of fate. The blessed chance of unconditional love.

* * *

I close my eyes overwhelmed by the sight of the life that´s growing inside me. I´m short of breath all of a sudden, assailed by memories of my own mother and the gaping affective void she left in my life. Would he feel the same? Would he be assaulted by that gnawing feeling of inadequacy? He would. I know him too well to ever doubt that. I open my eyes again and trace the contours of innocence with eager fingers. It´s only twelve weeks and I cannot wait to hold it- I, who´s never thought of herself as the motherly type. Warm tears are pricking behind my eyelids. I can still feel the devotion of his hands on my skin and see the naked need to be loved and accepted in his blue-grey eyes as he fills me_. Happiness is such an elusive creature, isn't it? We all wish for it, but very few ever really find it. Doesn't make the search any less important. Or the destination. _I opened my door and let him in knowing the odds, and I can´t say I regret it. I realised who was standing at my doorstep the moment I looked into his eyes. I clung to that part of us we´d left in the summer house and decided to make a leap of faith.

* * *

This young woman standing in front of me holds the key to my heart and every dream I´ve ever dared to dream. This beautiful soul who helped me believe I too could be someone´s knight in shining armour- despite the blood that runs through my veins- is carrying our child. I don´t need a DNA test to prove what my heart already knows; the simple jewel dangling from her gold necklace is proof enough. She´s the one; and the twin that didn´t make a move on Lana but sought his soul mate in Clark´s best friend evidently knew it-he gave her the chain and the pendant I bought my mother for our last Christmas together.

"Did he hurt you?" I ask quietly when a subtle gesture tells me she´s become aware of my presence.

"He didn´t. He´d never harm me; he loves me. But the other one did," she responds in a raspy voice.

"I´m sorry, Chloe," I say after a pregnant pause. "I´m so very sorry."

"Sorry is not enough, Lex. You´ve robbed me. You´ve robbed us," she replies with glassy eyes as she turns around and looks at me unflinchingly. "I want him back. _We_ want him back," she adds passionately, touching the little bump that is our baby. She knows I´m aware she isn´t talking just about herself now; she´s known it ever since she woke up in that hospital bed and met my incredulous eyes. Although I pride myself on being a great actor, I´ve had the best teacher, seeing my mother´s gift on her and realising why she´d been avoiding me cracked my armour for a couple of seconds- long enough for her to see beyond my mask.

"So do I. I want to be there for the second sonogram," I tell her with a big lump in my throat.

I hold my breath waiting for her answer, hoping to be deserving and- when it finally comes- I feel tears of relief and joy well up in my eyes. I can´t do it. I can´t keep my cool façade around her; she sees through me. And for the first time, I don´t care she realises how vulnerable I´m around her, how easily she can hurt me the way my darker half has hurt her.

We´ve both stripped our souls bare and I don´t mind feeling weak. I welcome it. It makes me feel human; it makes me want to be the husband my dad never was to my mum and the father he´s never been to me. I´m terrified, scared witless of ruining everything. I suppose that´s a start.

**THE END**

Note: The lines in italics have been taken verbatim from "Mortal" (Season 5).


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